u-turn

there is something so wonderfully welcoming about these summer nights. i keep my windows open to allow the coolness to sail on through my apartment.

it's always interesting to distinguish between the people that believe in "cold turkey." my mom never understood that when i didn't like something (or rather, when i REALLY liked something) i would quit it cold turkey - that i would turn it off like a switch. she thought i didn't feel for it, that i had no sympathy, that i was just cold.

to this day, this is something that i pride myself. it is also the thing that saddens me the most. the older i get the more i come to realize that to move on you need to cut the ties. a ship cannot sail with it's anchor. and yet this society yearns for us to be a ship in a bottle. something beautiful and pristine and intricate for people to marvel at. we become these mantel pieces for spectators.

whatever happened to bruises and scars and a little tear in the flesh? a life without fear, without limitations or reminders that we are only human?

but going back to this coldness of mine, see that's where i think it comes fearing the anchor. while others are searching for this ideal harbor, i'm craving new oceans. (yes, i'm one for similes)

i miss a lot of people in my life and i don't pick up the phone. it's things i realize are/were in my past and that's where they belong. is that how life works because right now all i want is to make some u-turns.