revolving door

in the advent of trying to find out who we are (or more so, who we want to be) we tend to look past the present and somehow fast-forward into a future that is not even in grasp. what is even more frightening, is we sometimes run to the past as a default-feature in our personality/persona.

someone asked me today how i was doing... how the past couple of weeks have been treating me. the far-to-frequently-asked: "what's new?" And my response : nothing. i have found a lot of peace in my solitude and lately i've been enjoying my own company far more than that of which i am accompanied by. have i been living by myself for too long? did i leave home at a much too young age?

i have found strength in my aloneness (although constantly surrounded by others) and i cherish the times of silence in my life. no tv, no radio, no phone. just me.

i don't know what this is supposed to mean in life or if it should have any meaning at all. all i know is this is where i am. this is where i choose to be. this is what i have allowed and/or have attracted in my life.

in miami i was seen as a particular person. then when i moved on west, i discovered a new identity. as a grow older i realize (atleast for myself) life is more of a buffet than a target. some may tell you, "keep your eye on the target" while others swear by "why not try it all on for size?"

at the end of the day all i know is this: life really is a revolving door. you need to keep yourself on your toes. you need to learn and grow and outgrow who you think you are. my dad is a firm believer in finding out what your strengths are and pursuing that. while my notion still stands firm in find out what your weaknesses are and build muscle. the world is three dimensional. as humans, we are born multi-faceted. shouldn't our experiences reflect the same? shouldn't we just take all things in stride?

"here's to the crazy ones. the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers. the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. they're not fond of the rules and have no respect for the status quo. you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. about the only thing you can't do is ignore them. because they change things, they push the human race forward. and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
— Jack Kerouac