an honest heart





it's been too awfully long since i properly write on my blog and let you all in to my deeper thoughts and feelings ....

in two days i shall be traveling back to england and although i am terribly excited, i am also keenly aware that i am going back to the drizzling land where i fell in love last year. from the moment i got off the plane in los angeles from that trip, my loins were screaming at me to go back. go back to london. go back. go back. go back. 
almost a year later (with many things that have changed around and within me) i once again bought a ticket back to britain. for me, one of the biggest and most fearful occurrences in life is to return to the scene of the crime - to return with a sound mind and body. how to separate the loved from the location... the location from the loved. 
this is my humble quest: the separation. 
this magical city can not be contained by one man, nor should my memories. i am undoubtedly certain now more than ever that i am ready. 
"won't you be sad when you go back? won't you phone him?" 
no
it's as simple as this... when you give your heart to someone, fully and selflessly there is simply no more to give. there are no more phonecalls or conversations or what-went-wrong's or how-about-the-weather's. i've had a significant about of time to actually mend myself back together - to take all the kaleidoscopic pieces and build a stronger inner foundation where even more light can shine through. all that i gave is still his. if in the future he should want to return that precious gift, he will always find my door open to do so. and if not, then he will forever be holding one of the greatest, most valuable, and rare treasures in life.

an honest heart.

be whole


‎be whole. whatsoever you do, do it totally. what is the difference? when you do it totally you are not worried about the result. you did it totally. you are finished. more you could not do. you are not holding anything; you have put all your energy in it, you were whole in it. now if you fail, you fail. if you succeed, you succeed. but whether you fail or you succeed, you are fulfilled all the same. a deep contentment arises because you have done whatsoever you could do. 
-osho

the liebster award



yay! i special thanks to bani from bl4q and mariamma from if my fingers were feathers for individually nominating me for the liebster award! if you're scratching your head wondering what't this all about, here are the rules:


list 11 facts about yourself
answer the 11 questions given to you
ask 11 new questions for the bloggers you nominate for the award
choose 9 bloggers with 200 or less followers to nominate 
go to each bloggers page and let them know about the award
thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog


here are 11 facts you may or may not have known about moi:
1. i was always a year ahead in school. 
2. i've done a road trip coast to coast across america. 
3. i have my heart set on living in europe.
4. i'm 5'2 - a shrimp of sorts.
5. i've been sky diving, white water rafting, and parasailing. 
6. i speak fluent english, spanish and conversational french.
7. i've been playing the piano since i was 3.
8. my current celebrity crush is dan stevens.
9. i pour the milk before the cereal. 
10. i went to an all girl's catholic high school - whoa!
11. i'm always reading at least 2 books simultaneously. 


here are the 11 questions bani asked me:
1. what made you start blogging? 
4 years ago i felt like i was at a crossroads in my life so i resorted to putting my thoughts on a "blog" which was just my online diary. over the years, it's simply evolved.
2. what animal do you most identify yourself with? 
i have an absolute fascination with swans. the fact that they look so calm and full of grace above water but furiously paddling under the surface really inspires me.
3. if you could be any plant, what would it be? 
hmmm, interesting question... my favorite flower is a daffodil. so i'll say that. 
4. what are you listening to right now? 
silence actually. quite refreshing.
5. what's the most breathtaking thing you have ever experienced?
would i sound too much of a chick if i said love? 
6. if you could travel anywhere in the world, and do anything that you want, where would you go and what would you do? 
how about this? i'd love to take a sailboat off england and work my way around the european coast. 
7. would you prefer a warm rainy day, or a cold and windy sunny day? 
i have to honestly say i'm 50/50 on this one! 
8. what bug are you the most afraid of? 
the ones i see on national geographic and has yet to make their way to any metropolitan city! 
9. if you could learn any language, what would it be and why? 
i'd love to learn italian. but if any language would creep into my brain via osmosis (with absolutely no form of frustration or study), i'd like to know mandarin. 
10. what is your favourite feature on yourself or the opposite sex? 
i'll opt to answer my favorite part of the opposite sex - every guy has a different favorite part to me. i couldn't just pin-point one. i do have to say that i love kind eyes and a kind smile. 
11. what does the colour red remind you of? 
blood (how terrifyingly gorey of me!)


here are the 11 questions mariamma asked me:
1. what is the funniest nickname you have ever been called or made for a friend? 
a client once misunderstood my name and called me attila. that brought a good chuckle to the agency. as far as funniest nickname i've given someone... that's a bit too rated r for this blog. 
2. how has blogging changed you? 
i don't think blogging has changed me per say. i do believe that it has let me grow and really concentrate on the positive aspects about my life. 
3. if you could have houses in three places where would they be and why? 
i'll answer this considering i have a place in los angeles and miami... a. london/oxford because i honestly feel at home there. b. south of france/bordeaux because the lifestyle and terrain is absolutely sublime. c. an island in the middle of nowhere.. i'll let you know when i find it and why it's the best.
4. if money didn't matter, what would you want to do for work? 
i actually do what i love for work so i'm very lucky in that sense. if i didn't have to work though, i would like to travel to third world countries to help and educate children. 
5. what do you usually do during the summer? 
i definitely take advantage of the beach, take my annual palm springs trip, and travel travel travel. 
6. who is your favorite musical artist right now?
right now? i've been on a lana del rey kick for a while now... 
7. what is your favorite genre of foods?
french fries (or as my friends across the pond would like to refer to it: chips)
8. what is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen? 
the most beautiful sight has been an island off of the dominican republic. i couldn't even tell you where it is in the map. it took us a 4hr bumpy jeep ride through the forest and then a tiny boat ride to the island. 
9. if you could magically be the best at any skill or instrument tomorrow, what would you want to master? 
could i fly? 
10. what is the first funny childhood memory that comes to mind for you? 
me running around naked. i was always finding inventive ways to make myself nude and displaying it to the locals. 
11. what does the color green remind you of? 
rolling hills and money. 


here are 11 new questions to my nominees:
1. where do you see yourself in 5 years?
2. what's your favorite book?
3. if you could invite one celebrity to dinner, who would it be?
4. if you didn't live in your current city, where would you live?
5. what's your #1 fashion rule?
6. who would play you in a movie about yourself?
7. who's your favorite singer?
8. if you had any super power, what would it be?
9. do you prefer to go to the beach or go skiing?
10. what camera do you use for your blog?
11. what inspires you?

here are my nominees: